You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
