This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
