Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
