walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
