Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
