Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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