Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
