i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
