I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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