omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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