it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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