This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
