I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
this just has baby written all over it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
