Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
