david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
