you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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