I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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