in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
