forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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