I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
