I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
