Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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