he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
