Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
