Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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