she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
