all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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