not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
