chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
