Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
