Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
