"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
