i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
