its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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