she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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