I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
