I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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