if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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