so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Barsexuality is the new black.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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