I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
