I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.