whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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