Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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