Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
