dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
bring money and cleavage
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
