I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
