I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
