theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
