The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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