dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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