just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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