OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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