If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize