i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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