Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
