Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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