Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
