He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it glows. i had to have it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
