You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
