I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
