Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You can't just leave with hair like that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
