She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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