The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
