Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
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Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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