i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
