Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
