Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i drank out of a bidet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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