Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
