I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
