I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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